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Everything I ever needed to know about
friendship, I learned from
I Love Lucy.
- Madelyn Pugh Davis
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you
can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
- Author Unknown
Our laughter echoed across the mountain as we hopped off the ski lift and
turned toward Paradise Bowl. Shadows danced across the packed snow. At the
end of the trail my husband, George, tucked and disappeared, and I followed.
Suddenly it happened: the inside corner of my left ski caught a bump in a
glistening patch of ice. Secret fears, long hidden since my first ski lesson
years ago, rose in my throat. I gulped and pushed forward, pointing my toes
inward–resorting to the awkward stance of the beginner. Then I hit ice
again. This time I lost my balance and was thrown headlong into the snow.
When I finally rolled to a stop, the pretzel-like twist to my leg confirmed
the truth: it was broken.
Someone saw me and began to shout, "Help!" Ski instructors and strangers
came running. This put into motion a blur of events. Other skiers retrieved
my lost poles and skis, and George hiked up the mountain to assist the ski
patrol. As they placed me into the rescue basket, every move sent sharp pain
screaming through my body. I was afraid to breathe. All the way down the
mountain I prayed–first not to hit a bump, and then to thank God for the
rescue.
By the time we returned to Texas, my leg was wrapped hip to toe in a
gigantic cast.
And that's when my real lifesavers sprang into action. My girlfriend Kay
organized meal deliveries by MOPS members and church friends. My mom came
every morning to help with household chores. My daughter Cherry stopped by
every day at lunchtime, bringing her special brand of joy and fun. My friend
Sue came in the afternoons to pray. After several housebound weeks, my
friends Becky and Carol loaded me in a van and took me to a seminar.
Handling my wheelchair couldn't have been easy, but their kindness rescued
me.
To top off the blessings, many girlfriends dropped by to deliver chocolate
bars,
chocolate cookies, and chocolate brownies. It seemed that all of
these women, whether I knew them well or had met them only recently,
understood the pleasure that chocolate brings to a girl in need.
Chocolate. How sweet it is. As Elaine Sherman once said, "Chocolate
causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your
feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts
depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life
helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So,
eat lots of chocolate."1
In other words, chocolate makes a girl smile.
Yes, I had lifesavers on that
mountain–assured, strong, caring professionals who knew just what to do. But
what I needed even more were great girlfriends who brought chocolate and
spiritual friendship.
Just as it was essential that I be helped down that mountain, so it is vital
that we draw support and comfort from other women. We cannot rescue
ourselves. We need lifesavers to cling to when we are hurting or about to
drown in despair. Lifesavers to pull us to safety when there seems to be no
hope. Women who will offer not only advice and assistance, but who will also
cover us with love, forgiveness, and friendship–like a shortbread cookie
covered in rich, dark, melted chocolate.
While the popular culture touted on television and in magazines urges that
we follow our "inner guide" in difficult situations, we know deep down it
doesn't work that way. When we live frantic busy lives or stretch ourselves
too thin financially or grow weary from health issues or family concerns, we
need help. Help from someone outside ourselves. As believers, our first
resource is God, who offers unlimited power and strength. No matter what
happens, He is available.
But when our struggles shake us to the core and threaten to overwhelm us, we
fail to grasp what God offers. We forget how to exercise our faith. We don't
automatically embrace the good, noble, or right thing. All too often, we
find ourselves tramping around in the muck of self-centeredness, ego, and
selfishness.
Self-control mode keeps our minds from grasping the truths found in God's
Word. When we are in this mode, nothing seems to reach or encourage us.
Until a girlfriend offers her friendship, that is.
Friendship gives comfort when we are lonely, fierce loyalty when the world
believes the worst, freedom to be authentic, encouragement to dream big, and
faith when tragedy strikes–all luxurious chocolate coatings from a true
girlfriend. Chocolate symbolizes the luxurious, bountiful, sweet love God
enables us to show others. Think I'm a little over the top about chocolate?
Consider this verse: "For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we
eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the
Holy Spirit"2 (emphasis added).
Godly living isn't sustained by food. But it is supported by a feast of
chocolate-covered friendships that help us maneuver through life's mishaps
and troubling times.
Take a look at some biblical examples of enduring friendship:
• After Naomi's husband and two grown sons died, her hope was rekindled
through her daughter-in-law Ruth.
• David's fears eased thanks to the loyalty and compassion of his best
friend, Jonathan.
• Barnabas believed in Paul even when everyone else was suspicious of Paul's
motives.
• Paul encouraged Timothy to persevere despite insurmountable difficulties.
• Barnabas accepted Mark when he failed.
• When Moses had no strength left, Aaron and Hur held his arms up.
In the movie
Crocodile Dundee, Sue Charlton, a sophisticated, modern,
high-fashion
New York City journalist, tries to explain to Mick Dundee, a
pragmatic outdoorsman from Down Under, that a woman they've just met at a
party has been in therapy for years. Sue tells Dundee that therapy is paying
a psychiatrist to "listen to your problems and troubles."
After mulling it over, Dundee asks, "What's the matter, doesn't she have any
mates?"
We could all use more mates, couldn't we?
We are born with a relationship trigger. As newborns, we want to be held and
cuddled. That's the reason a baby will sleep when you hold her but not when
she's in her crib.3 Even when first born, her tiny blue orbs, not fully
focusing, nevertheless search for a face. As soon as her eyes connect, your
baby soon learns to crook her tiny mouth into a smile. And later, as a
toddler, she will watch to see if you are looking at her and bring her toys
into the room where you are. Then she will climb up into your lap. Already
she is seeking that rich, nurturing, chocolatecovered relationship.
Fame, beauty, and talent are insufficient without true friendship. Popular
culture is chock-full of examples of enduring friendships: Ethel loving
Lucy, Trixie confiding in Alice, Betty helping Wilma, Mary encouraging
Rhoda, Laverne getting into trouble with Shirley, or Monica, Rachel, and
Phoebe sharing secrets over coffee.
Throughout our lives we develop friendships. Some are acquaintances and
neighbors. Others are friends from the past like those I just saw again at
my high-school reunion. We have friends at church, work, and the gym. Some
friends are no more than acquaintances. Others vacation together or enjoy
the same activities.
But more than anything, we need–desperately need–the intimate,
rich-as-chocolate accountability of spiritual girlfriends. This is the kind
of friend I run to when my world falls flat, the friend I tell my deepest
fears and secrets to. This friend offers sympathy before solutions. She is
loyal. She doesn't look the other way if I start down a wrong path. I
need her.
That neediness is real, flowing out of lack, insufficiency, and urgency for
connection with a special girlfriend who will open her arms wide, welcoming
me home. A girlfriend who will use her ears more than her mouth. Who can
share belly-shaking guffaws with me and point me to Jesus because she loves
Him as much as I do.
A spiritual girlfriend is one who shares the hope, joy, peace, and
understanding that is found in God's Word. A spiritual girlfriend
understands the joys and troubles of life, recognizes God's hand in every
situation, offers emotional support and spiritual strength, and is always
ready to share a bar of chocolate.
Honestly, we don't need more superficial friendships. Don't get me wrong: I
love shopping, parties, and trips to the spa, but I crave girlfriends
who will prod me to make better choices and encourage me to higher heights.
Those who will do as the Bible says: "And let us consider how to stimulate
one another to love and good deeds."4
Girlfriends who stimulate each other develop strong faith. Girlfriends who
sacrifice of themselves, are willing to forgive, and overflow with loyalty
spread joy and freedom to each other with generous hospitality and love.
These kinds of girlfriends not only share the lumps of life but also stir up
each other's love for God– and in doing so, offer a depth of friendship that
can only be compared to smooth, rich, dark chocolate.
The Bible says, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who
are crushed in spirit."5 Sometimes He is close to us through a girlfriend
who is tuned in to Him and willing to be His instrument in our life during a
painful, heartbreaking experience. A signboard on a church near my home
asks, "Does your life spread light or cast shadows?" I don't want to be
superficial...
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